


Chasing Stars

by innsaei



Series: Chasing stars [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!, Iwaoi - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fanon about why oikawa loves space, Fluff, Inspired by Interstellar (2014), M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Reincarnation, Scientific Inaccuracy, Stars, i do promise a happy ending, space travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24943624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innsaei/pseuds/innsaei
Summary: “ From here , the earth looks so small, an insignificant planet of a mediocre star in some nameless corner of this universe. Yet Tooru, do you know something? It has you. You who is the paragon of beauty, you with my heart, you with that grace and love that I shamelessly called mine. It makes that planet stand out glaringly.”Iwaizumi is hurtling through space, drifting farther and farther away and Oikawa learns to love him in all of his lifetimes.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Chasing stars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815274
Comments: 38
Kudos: 68
Collections: iwaoi





	Chasing Stars

There is something so fascinating about lines, so achingly sad, complex and twisted despite its simplicity. It is in the way lines of longitude and latitude stretch through distance stained with yearnings of lovers and families apart or how the blue lines, each a cm apart on our notebooks, watch in fascination as we rub, erase, rewrite words. Sometimes they shiver at the sound of a page being ripped and crushed into a ball, disappearing into a fist. These are the lines you and I know.  _ Tangible. Physical.  _

But if you were floating, unshackled and drifting in space while looking at this tiny blue speck from above, you would see a different type of line. The ones that run between us, human to human, crisscrossing, tangling, separating and never-ending. It is sad and beautiful to look at simultaneously, the way these lines weave a tapestry of eons of human history, of love and separation, pain and joy.

And every once in a while  _ Fate _ undones and wrecks this tangled beauty to remind us time and again through centuries that we as mere mortals can only do so much as pray to be spared.

It creates two lines that collide and meet in the middle of somewhere when hearts and bodies tumble into each other fitting wordlessly in all the correct places and then mercilessly throw them apart like a river that splits while falling from a cliff leaving a ghost of their love. 

These are the most painful stories, of those who found love and then lost it, doomed to forever carry an unfinished story like a stone pressing down on our hearts.

  
  


_ But humans, as we know, learned long ago that love is not a physical dimension just like time and gravity. So there is always a love which is rare but which definitely comes and challenges and outruns fate. This is the story of one such love. _

1.

Iwaizumi Hajime met Oikawa Tooru in the most unremarkable way yet at the most remarkable point in Tokyo. Exactly ten minutes before Iwaizumi gets a call that would change his banal life, ten minutes before fate looked at him and laughed mirthlessly. Trials and tribulations only make you stronger and Hajime has always been victorious  _ so far.  _

Amidst the colourful splash of umbrellas, under the incessant rain that had been assaulting Shibuya since the previous day, Hajime met Tooru. It was less of a meeting, more of a sudden epiphany that struck him right in the middle of Shibuya crossing. The jostling crowd, the strangers watching from large window panes sitting inside Starbucks, the countdown before the traffic light turned to green, the cars on all four sides, unmoving as if stuck in their own time warp. He was part of a mundane happening that took place every day yet when a shoulder slightly brushed past him, a mop of brown hair hidden beneath a grey umbrella, Hajime felt the world around him recede. The sounds of footsteps, the pattering of rain against the road, roofs and car panes, voices talking urgently into phones pressed tight to ears. Almost as if someone pulled Hajime off his feet and threw him into the water, he heard nothing and yet everything . The sound of a pair of feet walking away, splashing little droplets of water, sounding farther and farther with each passing second. Hajime's feet were unmoving,rooted in time and that space but the crowd took him in their strides till his ankle slightly struck the edge of the pavement. He shuddered once and then blinked before cowering. 

At once, Hajime felt a cacophony of sounds crash against his ears, loud enough to make him double over and reach out for the sign post and hold on to it. The blaring horns, the bits and pieces of conversation assaulting his ears,the sudden clap of thunder above. He felt his entire being shake in panic, for all unknown reasons as his eyes moved frantically from side to side. He bent and craned his neck, peeping between speeding cars and uncaring strangers as he desperately looked to the other side of the road. Hajime didn’t know why his heartbeat was so erratic,so restless but he suddenly felt a deep fear at the idea of never meeting the stranger, at the thought of that slight brush being the last touch from him. It was an insane feeling of deprival, a crushing feeling of loss as Iwaizumi almost walked into the passing traffic, stepping off the pavement in a daze, his umbrella long fallen on the ground.

There was a screeching sound of tires coming to a sudden halt, a momentary drop of silence around him and a string of profanities coming out from a rolled-down window but it all passed over him. A sharp tug had pulled him back, strong fingers curled in a tight grasp around his left elbow causing Hajime’s back to crash into a firm chest. Iwaizumi’s heart didn’t drop from the thought that he could have been lying five feet from that point, face down on the road. Instead, he felt the strongest feeling of something sinking deep in his chest, a heated tingling that made him shiver on that humid rainy evening. He felt it before he even turned, that same searing feeling that he had felt three minutes ago.

“Are you okay?”, a soft concerned voice came from behind and a warm hand steadied him at his waist, as Hajime turned slowly. His eyes met the stranger’s eyes for the first time, a little higher than his causing him to lift his chin up slightly. It was a feeling that Hajime would remember for his entire lifetime,it came and made its home right in the middle of his heart. 

A pair of dark brown eyes, with light flecks surrounding the pupils, the warm streetlight above them and the setting sunlight making them light up like golden orbs, like ambers burning bright. It was a faint whisper, a gust of breeze barely audible in the rain but Hajime heard it crystal clear when it whispered “ _ him _ ” _. _

Oikawa looked at the man in front of him, damp black hair flattened and falling in front covering his forehead, eyes that seemed to change from black to shades of olive green in the warm light that illuminated his face. His face was a mixture of unreadable emotions, staring straight into Tooru’s eyes, his chin slightly tilted up. Oikawa took a deep breath, slightly intimidated yet strangely intoxicated by the gaze, forcing himself to not make his panting visible. The man in front of him, with his drenched white shirt loosely tucked into his pants and the top two buttons unbuttoned, was a force that Oikawa had never felt in his life till a few minutes ago. 

_ The world has a way of letting you know when you find the one you were destined to be with. _

Obassan must have been right all along because Oikawa had no rational explanation for the feeling that took over him when he accidentally bumped into the stranger in front of him. It came, clawing through his skin making each step heavy as he had walked away. It was irrational enough for him to drop his umbrella and run across the road through the traffic. He had felt petrified in a way he had never felt before. He had walked to the other side in a daze, walking on the pavement a few more steps and then suddenly, in the most impulsive act since he was born, he had found himself turning around and wading through hundreds of incoming cars, desperately praying while the rain lashed against him.

He could not see Hajime at first, the sea of umbrellas blocking his line of sight, the crowd moving in the opposite direction threatening to take him away farther and farther. It felt almost too cruel, too sadistic that mere minutes could make so much difference. He was drenched by then, his clothes sticking to him, becoming heavier by the minute and the whole feeling of being dragged down, almost being suffocated after having received a brief moment of the exhilarating feeling was painful. 

Suddenly like the rain clouds that part and bring forth the spectrum of colours stretching from one end of the earth to the other, the crowd parted and Oikawa saw him, just a few steps away. If Oikawa Tooru did not know what beauty was, he knew then at that very moment. His favourite view, one that put the rest of the world to shame. Standing at the edge of the pavement, oblivious to the torrential rain that mercilessly fell, Iwaizumi was there wearing an untucked white shirt and grey pants, hands running through his wet hair. Even in his visible agitation, he looked like the most gentle being to exist. In that cold, he looked fragile yet strong, his form illuminated by the passing headlights and it radiated a warmth that washed over Oikawa. Like snowflakes hitting the snow-covered ground, the Christmas lights on the porch in a dark wintry evening, or the soft kisses his mother gave when he was seven, it touched Tooru and lit his entire being up.

He saw Iwaizumi step off the pavement in a trance and immediately felt his heart drop as he lurched forward, pressing against the incoming wave of bodies. It felt forever before he found himself reaching out and grabbing Iwaizumi’s arm and pulling him back. He bent a little, subconsciously bracing himself for the impact as the muscular man’s frame collided with his but he hadn’t prepared himself for the searing heat that tore through him.

Wobbling a little bit, reeling from the touch and the scent of Iwaizumi suddenly filling him up, he steadied the both of them, placing his hand on the shorter man’s waist firmly. Before he could think, he heard himself asking Iwaizumi if he was alright with a high pitch voice that hardly sounded like him.

To passers-by and curious eyes looking from giant window panes of the highrise buildings around them, they were two strangers in the rain. But unknown to them and even to these two, a clock had started ticking and two lines had been drawn. A fated encounter, a story that happens only once in a while, the beginning of it all. They will learn of this later but suddenly they became fate’s favourite story and so began the working of the loom to create their tapestry.

“I think I am.”, Hajime’s voice murmured, a slight tinge of red on his cheeks as he looked down at Oikawa’s hand still resting on his waist, the space between them hardly two feet to begin with. Iwaizumi internally panicked at the thought of the tall man next to him being able to hear his heart that refused to stay still and was beating out of his ribcage. Oikawa suddenly fumbled as he noticed where Iwaizumi’s gaze was and slowly retracted his hand, letting it fall limp to his side. 

_ Now what? _

He had run all the way to this side without thinking of what he would say simply acting on pure guts. He would be lying if he didn’t admit that he had a nagging suspicion, a hopeful glimmer that maybe Iwaizumi was searching for him too at that moment. Otherwise, it would not be fair if only he were to feel that feeling and live with it. He wanted to ask but words got stuck at the tip of his tongue, embarrassment clouding his features as realization struck him. This whole situation was so absurd and hilarious that he could almost hear Sugawara sniggering in his ears.

“Thank you-”

“ That’s-”

Both of them spoke at the same time and immediately fell silent, a mortified look on both their faces. 

Iwaizumi could almost taste the awkwardness in the air around them but strangely he felt he was right where he was supposed to be. The brunette in front of him, with his gorgeous features and lean frame, dangerously alluring in the way forest fires and hurricanes are, felt almost like home and Hajime was not going to let him slip by.

The falling raindrops acted like mirrors, reflecting the same question for both of them. But try as they might, Hajime figured there would be no answer.

Why was this man here and not on the other side of the road? Why was he walking deadpan through incoming traffic in search of someone he met for a brief second in time?

He wanted to know the answer as much as he was afraid of it. If Hajime could put it into words, the physicist in him would say he finally understood Newton's law of universal gravitation. Oikawa stood there in front of him, his chest rising and falling in an erratic rhythm. That moment was a blackhole, best left unquestioned and unstained with human curiosity.

_ Unmei _

Oka-San would have said that. They were chess pieces, pawns in a game that had only just started. Like two magnetic ends, like a moth to a flame, fate had played its first cards on the board. Love, as we were told before and again, was and will always be a dimension we shall never grasp. 

“I am Oikawa Tooru. Uh, I-”, the man in front of him spoke softly, his words trailing off, while his fingers fiddled with the hem of his shirt, shifting around his weight slightly.

Oikawa didn’t understand the ball of nervousness hardening in the pit of his stomach as much as he understood the feeling that settled in his chest.

_ This feels right. This feels destined.  _

“Oh! It’s Iwaizumi Hajime. You can call me-”

“Iwachan?”,Oikawa blurted out, automatically slapping his hand over his mouth. His eyes widened at the sheer act of embarrassment, overwhelmed by the sudden wave of boldness that took over him. He wanted nothing but the ground beneath him to open up and swallow him right that very moment but all he could do was stare at the shorter man in front of him, completely humiliated.

There was a heavy pause for a moment and then a low chuckle. Iwaizumi gave him a look that seemed so unapologetically like him, a strongly confused yet endearing look, oscillating between being shell shocked and a softness that shadowed his eyes. 

“I- I have never been called that before. But it’s not so bad I guess”, Iwaizumi half accused, half stated and then his lips lifted up in the smallest of a smile. Tooru felt the corner of his heart tug a little at the sight and he knew then that Obassan was indeed right.

And that’s how they met. Thirty seconds right before the call came. Thirty seconds before the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency appointed Iwaizumi Hajime as their pilot for their most ambitious space exploration mission.

Fate, as we were told, would always leave us begging for more.

  
  
  
  
Iwaizumi had three months before the launch and in between floating in zero gravity inside laboratories and press meetings, he stole moments and minutes from time and fate to lay in Oikawa’s arms. Oikawa learned in his first five minutes with Iwaizumi that the earth with all its greatness was hardly enough for Hajime. He yearned for all things beyond and his place had been long cemented among the stars, lightyears away from him. Oikawa remembered Hajime’s eyes, the way it lit up when he got the call like a polished emerald stone emerging, his olive-green eyes shone in the setting twilight. The sound of his surprised laugh, laced with the most unadulterated sound of joy that Oikawa had never heard in his life before. It felt like the most beautiful sound and yet the heaviest blow to him, crushing his soul into irreparable fragments. Oikawa had chosen to fall in love with a man who could not be tied down to the dirt, one who was born to love the unknown and uncharted places.

The sheer irony of it all twisted and ripped Hajime apart. Infinite time would never be enough for him to ever forgive fate. Iwaizumi at 28, found the sole reason that could make him stay on this earth on the very same day he achieved what he had been chasing for his entire life. All his life, he traded, begged, implored and made deals with fate asking for that one chance to leave and in the end, fate came to him like a double-edged sword. 

Time, he knew, will not be on his side. Hence, Iwaizumi stole in bits and pieces every nanosecond he could, loving Tooru and marking every corner of his body. In every inch of skin and soul, he etched Oikawa’s scent, the shape of his body when pressed against Hajime’s, the sound of his name that rolled off Tooru's tongue, stars at the tip of his tongue. 

  
  
**_Go for the main engine start. T-minus ten-_ **

Hajime learned that Oikawa has an innate love for creation and the beauty that lies in building art out of scratch. He spent countless seconds, not minutes, watching those long, elegant fingers pinching the clay, rotating the wheel and manifesting masterpieces out of thin air. He spent minutes watching live streams of Oikawa’s exhibition, smiling as the world heaped words and applause on the man he loves, storing the images of his creation deep in his subconscious, wondering if he will be able to see the next one before he leaves. His Tooru. The one star that fell on earth as if to cruelly remind Iwaizumi that he would always be chasing stars his entire life and maybe the next. His punishment for always wanting more and for loving things beyond the human realm.

**_Nine, eight-_ **

Oikawa always found it amusing how much Iwaizumi hated seafood, a very blatant betrayal of his roots and his birthplace. Tooru would joke that if Hajime ever becomes famous, Hokkaido would never accept Iwaizumi as a being born and brought up amidst the icy cold winters, clear cloudless sky and volcanic water. He absolutely shivered at the sight of seafood, a lesson Oikawa learned on their second date. One he would always remember because he ended up taking Hajime to his place that night and cooked dinner for him. Their first milestone of intimacy. 

Both of them never mentioned that townsmen of Hokkaido won’t be so cruel to disown someone who may never come back. A silent agreement to keep these words for the demons at night.

**_Seven,six-_ **

Every night, Oikawa woke up, drenched in sweat, his hands clamped and shaking uncontrollably. He would whimper in the dark, trying to blink away the tears in the silence that threatened to drown him. Hajime’s arms would find him, wrap him up and pull him close. Tooru would bury his face in the space between his chin and shoulders, taking solace and finding a safe haven in the arms of the man in his nightmares. Like a deer seeking security in a lion’s cave. They would lie awake for hours till the first ray of light filters through the slit in the curtain, their skin glistening in sweat and Hajime’s hands wet from the tears that silently, wordlessly rolled down the slope of Oikawa’s cheeks. Oikawa’s cooling system would always turn off on its own whenever the clock struck two in the morning. Yet both of them would lie there, souls and bodies entangled, their lines crisscrossed and bunched up in beautiful chaos. If they could keep it that way, in a mess and too hard to separate maybe fate would leave them alone. Maybe fate would never be able to untangle and throw them apart, space and time in between. But morning comes and the heat always wins and Hajime is always the first one to untangle himself, slowly and excruciatingly.

_ Hajime was always slipping away in his dreams. Burning too bright for Tooru’s eyes. There is no sound in his dream, just a pressing silence that pushed him deeper and deeper into the ground with every passing day. _

**_Five, Main engine start. Four -_ **

Hajime stood at the balcony, watching the sky through the narrow opening that existed between the two high rise buildings in front of Tooru’s apartment. There had been a blackout in the area resulting in the central cooling of Tooru’s building shutting down completely. The cool night breeze was a sharp relief from the unbearable heat and humidity that had settled in the room. There was something about the candle lights that reflected off the window panes of an apartment opposite to them, casting long shadows and a dim shine. It was sad and beautiful, an intoxicating mix.

“To’oborni”, Tooru’s voice rang out, cutting through the stillness of the night. But his silky voice didn’t disturb the tranquility, rather it merged with the sounds of the night, alluring and enticing. Everything about him was raw, vulnerable and was a concoction of Hajime’s favourite things.

Hajime turned to look at Oikawa standing near the door, leaning on the frame. A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he watched Hajime. His eyes shone too bright in the darkness of that night like perfectly worn sea glass stones, it made Hajime want to gather the light and save them lest they burn out.

“What does that mean?”

Tooru straightened up, walking towards Hajime, the soft breeze ruffling his hair pushing it off his forehead. He exhaled a deep breath as he closed the space between them, hands cupping Hajime’s face, his long delicate fingers tracing the lines around his eyes, thumbs brushing his jaw. 

Eleven hours before Hajime was to take off, Tooru kissed him with all his heart, hoping to convey every word and incoherent dream he had about both of them. His lips adrift in Hajime’s, like a ship drowning in the sea; in that very moment of infinity, he called upon heaven and hell to watch them. 

_ I will show you what it is to truly love someone, constantly, consistently and endlessly, heavens be damned _ .

Oikawa broke off the kiss, breathing heavily and rested his forehead on Hajime’s.

“You bury me. It means that”, he whispered with a tempest raging in his eyes but peace in his smile.

Hajime looked at him, a familiar sinking pang settling in his chest. 

“Tooru-”, he started, his voice barely audible, cracking around the edges.

“I love you so much Hajime. Enough to want to die before you.” Oikawa cut him off, an urgency in his voice. 

Time for them mattered in seconds and minutes so he needed to say it when they still had time on their side. Hajime had to know before he left. He had to know that Tooru knew of only one constellation and they were mapped out by the stars that were engraved on Hajime’s body and soul.

_ A world without you. I knew one like that before I met you. But now that I know of the one where you exist, I rather go before having to live like before. _

  
  


**_Three, two, one. Booster ignition and-_ **

It was telecasted live on every channel and every billboard. It was everywhere. On giant plasma screens, subway monitors, restaurants and flashing news boards. On a cold wintery morning, Japan came to a standstill. Inside moving cars and metros, on sidewalks, inside nondescript cafes and posh offices, everyone stood with their eyes glued to their screen as Japan launched a mission that would craft the history of humankind in the future. A mission to search for another planet in another solar system to start life again. Earth, as much as we love it, wasn’t mankind’s final resting place. The world watched as the four astronauts waved at the cheering scientists and offered their prayers, asking for the world to grant them their blessings. No one prayed for their return and it wasn’t mentioned in the prayer being read out. You don't travel light-years away and then expect people to give you hollow promises that maybe one day, they will celebrate your safe return. Sometimes seventy-five percent of honesty was enough for humans.

Yet somewhere in Tokyo, two hearts kept that prayer deep in their hearts, promising to fight fate if they had to. 

A spiky-haired, green-eyed man stood in the middle with his fingers rubbing the sleek, golden ring that hung from his neck. His eyes never left the camera and he looked straight through the lenses right into Tooru’s soul. Like the first time he did. Like every other time.

Oikawa stood on the same side of the Shibuya crossing as he did three months ago staring at the man fate had brought him to. Except he was leaving now and Tooru would not dare to stop him. He learned a long time ago that he could never fight against the universe with its stars and galaxies that had been beckoning Hajime since the day he was born in a small town amidst the rolling hills of lavender farms. 

He saw Hajime lift the ring and place a small kiss on it, his eyes never leaving the camera. Oikawa faltered and leaned back a little bit as his lips quivered, almost feeling the touch through the pixels and glass screens all around him. Soft like a butterfly’s wing grazing his skin and then a sudden wave of coldness like ice cascading down his skin. 

Hajime’s touch. Oikawa could not bring himself to think of the next time. 

**_All engines look good. Preparing for roll programme_ **

Oikawa stood there, wordlessly with glazed eyes as the rumbling sound erupted, a green flag went up and the camera panned away and evolved into a larger shot. The final moments before he departed. He watched as the ship lifted off the ground, smoke and fire extending their tentacles all around and it almost singed his skin through the screen. The ring on his finger felt a little tighter, akin to the way his heart was constricting and suddenly he was breathless. Tears filled up his eyes and clouds his sight as he looked up at the sky. Vast and endless with its myriad of colours, unforgiving and cold, the bane of his happiness. He felt small and insignificant standing on the small patch of concrete, overshadowed and overwhelmed. 

_ Fuck you. Fuck you. _

He whispered over and over again to the expanse above him, praying vehemently that his words inflict the same amount of pain that he is feeling. All around him, there were flashes of cameras and incessant murmurs as they watched the trail of smoke leave a single line above them. Oikawa simply stood there, with empty eyes and a naked soul, sinking deeper and deeper as Hajime went farther and farther away.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Iwaizumi, run me through the trajectory again.”

Hajime looked up, his fingers furiously pressing away at the control settings. Dr.Kuroo was already half inside his Hypersleep pod, chewing on a pill looking amusingly adorable. He was a brilliant astrophysicist and the brain behind this mission. Kuroo Tetsurou, with his narrow hazel eyes and cat-like pupils, was his guardian and professor. He was the one who gave wind to the fire that raged inside of Hajime, he had been the one to press all the right buttons in him. He would always tell Hajime, “Accelerate into the pitch-black universe you are scared of, rage against the fading light and shout to the universe that as insignificant we might be, we exist and we live to unveil the greatest mysteries of this cosmos.” He was eccentric in his own ways but the earth and its people had a lot to thank him for, Hajime included.

“8 months to Mars, Sir. Then another eighteen to Neptune.” 

Hajime answered crisply, switching the settings from manual control to AI settings. He lifted his head up and looked outside the narrow windowpane at the endless expanse of nothingness outside. The blue dot drifted further and further away with every passing minute and with it, Hajime felt a sharp tug in his heart.

“Hell, even Yaku would be married by the time we reach Neptune’s orbit-”, Kuroo whistled, a soft smile playing on his face, “-...That’s a long-ass time, don’t you think?”

Hajime could only do so much as to nod, the pain in his chest becoming unbearable. Like placing hot charcoal on his chest, it ripped through him. His head spun as his mind conceded to the pain and silently, in the most painful way, his body curled into something primeval. It came in waves, each peak robbing his strength to speak and Hajime almost felt himself crashing again and again into the bare boards.

“Are you okay?”,Tetsurou’s voice echoed off the aluminum wall as he straightened up, concerned about his main pilot.

Hajime waved him off, furiously blinking the tears away. So much for keeping his composure when he was on earth.

He walked towards the message encoder and turned on the light. The green light blinked and he could hear the whirring of the machine as the tape started rolling. Calls could not work since they were not aligned with the satellites that could receive them anymore hence to leave a message was the only option Hajime had. In the future, when Hajime is in hypersleep, the ship would align for a brief moment and then on earth, somewhere in Tokyo a computer will decode the binary codes and receive his message.

“ _ Tooru,uh---”,  _ he faltered at the sound of his name echoing back to him in the silence, “- _ I am going to enter hypersleep soon. It will last for about two years till I wake up next, roughly”, _ he chuckled nervously, his fingers tapping on the table restlessly.

“ _ Oi, I miss you so much. _ ,”, he whispered, nausea swirling unrestrained in his stomach, “  _ From here _ , _ the earth looks so small, an insignificant planet of a mediocre star in some nameless corner of this universe. Yet Tooru, do you know something? It has you. You who is the paragon of beauty, you with my heart, you with that grace and love that I shamelessly called mine. It makes that planet stand out glaringly.”  _

_ And god, I need you and I want you so much right now.  _ Hajime thought, whimpering softly and stifling the scream that threatened to tear his chest apart and let itself be heard.

He clutched his shirt, doubling over from the ache in his heart. The longing to be with Oikawa was like a chill that froze the chambers of his heart. 

“ _ It’s selfish of me to want you to wait and hold on. But Tooru, I will make every second count and rush to you. So please no matter how unfair it sounds, keep my heart safe for a while. I won’t be away for long, love.” _

  
  
  


**Iwaizumi Hajime, there is a message from you.**

Hajime dragged his feet as he wrapped the blanket around him, a little groggy and wobbly. He wouldn’t be normal if he wasn’t this disheveled considering he had just woken up from a sleep that lasted 2 years and 2 months. He sniffled, rubbing his eyes and widening it trying to brush the sleep away. The others were stretching and groaning, complaining about having developed arthritis since they can almost hear their bones creaking and giving up. He chuckled to himself, internally chiding them at their dramatics.

Hajime sank into the seat’s cushion and opened the message. The screen remained blank for two seconds before Oikawa’s face came into view. Hajime felt the world fall away as he sucked in his breath at the view before his eyes. Tooru’s hair has grown a little longer, fluffier and darker, a stubborn strand springing up. His face was more chiseled and the lines had increased a little more around the corner of his eyes. But Hajime was lost in his eyes, all over again. The earthy tones of his eyes, autumnal and glistening like a polished copper penny. The umber that rimmed his iris sent a shiver down his spine. Tooru was smiling softly at the camera, lustered happiness in the soft creases of his face. If Hajime could, he would reach through space, time and all the dimensions in between and hold his face worshipping every inch of him.

“ _ Iwa-chan!”  _

Hajime felt the first lone tear slip down his cheek at the sound of his voice, soft and warm, the first note of his favourite song.

“ _ I don’t know when you will see this but I’m guessing it will take a while.”  _ Oikawa unconsciously tapped his chin on the screen, his eyes squinting in deep thought and Hajime let out an amused laugh shakily.

“  _ I am starting a showroom soon and I think I will shift from my place to another one slightly closer to my showroom. These days I keep sprinting from place to place hunting curators and management team.”  _ He visibly pouted making Hajime bury his face into his palms, the heat spreading throughout his face. There was something about that face that always made his insides dive and prance about.

“ _ I met your mom the day before yesterday. She is doing well so don’t worry about her. She misses you terribly and even cleaned your room twice a week”  _

Oikawa paused, a shadow suddenly clouding his features and Hajime felt his heart skip a beat. His voice then came in a whisper, across space and the light-years between them.

“ _ I miss you Hajime. You see, the sky looks so menacing to me now, tragically beautiful. I can’t help but pick a fight with the stars every now and then-” _ , he chuckled sadly before continuing, “- _ I am starting to think they are the forget-me-nots of the heavens. They remind me every night that you are not here and the side of my bed where you should be is cold.”  _

Tears cascaded down Hajime’s face as he covered his mouth, crying softly in the deadly silence of space that numbed the sounds around them. He pulled his knees close to his chest, fists closed tightly as his breaths came in ragged pauses.

_ Oh Tooru _

“ _ But don’t you worry Hajime. I will be here till the end of time, waiting for you. So come back as fast as you can okay? Run to me.”  _

The devastatingly beautiful smile appeared for a brief second and then the screen went black to reflect Hajime curled up in a ball, weeping silently.

Always, always chasing stars.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It happened in the way most tragic things do. The blaring alarm sounded two minutes late and maybe that made all the difference in a space where seconds mattered. The gravitational pull had led to the malfunctioning of the controls and before Hajime knew, their ship was swerving and spinning uncontrollably. They had been pulled out of their course by the intense gravitational pull of the black hole, looming in the distance. For a brief second in time, everything moved in slow motion as they were thrown off their feet, bodies crashing into aluminum walls. 

Hajime felt his bones and joints being smashed together and his lungs contracted with such force almost as if they were folding into two. The ship jerked forward, accelerating headlong into the center of the blackness. The incoming debris, equally being sucked into the Powehi crashed and bounced off their ship, rattling the windows, a shower of screens and unidentified objects sounding like the cracking of bones. 

“KUROO-”

The captain had somehow managed to reach the controls in all the chaos, his left side bleeding and soaking his blue suit. Hajime watched horrified as blood spurted out unrestrained from his side at high speed, incessantly. But try as he could, as he tried to move, the spinning threw him back making him crash his head into the door handle.

Kuroo worked, in a trance, uncaring of how he could be bleeding to his death at that very moment.

Suddenly he was at Hajime’s side and he started suiting him up. 

Hajime resisted feebly as he screamed hoarsely, words getting drowned out by the sound of alarms.

_ No, don't do that. _

“Iwaizumi, look at me-”,Kuroo grasped his helmet forcing Hajime to make eye contact, “-there is only one functioning ranger left. So go home. Okay?”

Through the blurred vision and the blood trickling down the side of his forehead, Hajime saw the rest of the crew watching him, a strange peacefulness on their faces. They had trained him, accepted him when he had been years younger than him. Hajime wanted to scream but his voice betrayed him and the slugginess made it impossible for him to fight against Kuroo’s grip.

One of them manually started opening the hatch behind him as Hajime stared into Kuroo’s eyes. 

“What about you?”, he whispered, his voice cracking as his breaths became laboured, weakly grabbing onto Kuroo’s arms, “-Is Kenma-san not waiting?”

Kuroo smiled, the light in his eyes burning brightly than ever.

“Hajime-”, he tapped Iwaizumi’s helmet gently pushing him back, “-I told Kenma before I left that I would only be able to find peace in the sky.”

Hajime didn’t get to tell him that the smile never reached his eyes and that he knew Kuroo was lying.

Suddenly he was pushed inside a ranger and propelled outside the ship, the sudden blast pushing him out of the gravitational pull by force minutes before the ship crossed the event horizon. He banged the window with his fist, eyes widening in mortified silence. As he watched, the ship exploded, metals clashing against metals, fragments flying out in all directions. There was no varicolored fire and mushroom head of a column of gas. No raging fire changing through the spectrum of red, no fiery smoke. There was no deafening sound except a muted roar, an ominous silence that accompanied the explosion. It was the quietest sound he had ever heard yet he cowered, shriveling up in agony as hot tears fell while his body racked with sobs.

For Iwaizumi, the cosmos must have cruelly kept its figurative light on because he kept slipping in and out, his vision flashing between suffocating bitter darkness to blinding white lights. 

  
  
  


Kuroo felt the searing heat, the wave of pain throwing him off as he fell endlessly into a bittersweet silence. 

_ Hajime, Oikawa could have given the entire universe a run for its money when it came to your heart. You should have known, Idiot. You found your star a long time ago _

The corner of his lips lifted up slightly in the darkness as he watched the dust and falling stellar debris. It looked beautiful in a tragic way, pieces denting his body as they rained on him.

_ What a way to die, Tetsurou.  _

There’s a flash of blond hair with black at the roots tied in a bun, a pair of cat eyes, a soft smile and then darkness.

_ Kenma. _

  
  
  
  


Oikawa looked up at the night sky, a sudden tug in his heartstrings. The open-air amphitheater concert had been Suga’s idea. He had been relentlessly working on his latest art piece that finally the boys had turned up to drag him out. It wasn’t so bad though. The orchestra was reaching its crescendo, the sounds of violins suddenly getting amplified. 

Somehow he felt a burst of sadness as he looked up. It wasn’t the pain that came every few minutes for the past five years. It was a sharp stab like a knife had been plunged into his soul. His hand clutched his thigh as he doubled over slightly and a chilling dread settled down in the pit of his stomach. Before he could blink it away like he always had, a lone tear trickled down his cheek while his eyes roamed the infinite space. Tonight the sky looked even darker than before. 

Almost like a graveyard of stars.

  
  
  


**_ <Accelerate into the pitch-black universe you are scared of,->_ **

Iwaizumi’s ranger drifted in space for exactly six hours forty-nine seconds, the oxygen supply slowly dwindling. He laid there, drained and going back and forth trying not to blackout. The blood pooled around his eyes, clogging his vision as he weakly kept pressing the distress button hoping the universe would put him out of his misery. 

**_ <-rage against the fading light. Rage, Hajime.>_ **

They found him, a few minutes before fate would have cut his strings. His ranger had miraculously survived without getting hit by any moving celestial body while he laid there inside, his body long gone cold. The light in his eyes had dulled, no longer the shining olive green but one that seemed washed and worn out, less like a gemstone more like an infested leaf. But he was still fighting, his heart still pumping feebly trying to keep the fire in him alive. A meek flame resisting all odds. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ White lights. Bright painful white lights. _

Iwaizumi groaned and turned his head away from the glaring white light that blinded him. It took a few minutes before his vision adjusted to his surroundings. Plain grey walls all around, devoid of even a single blemish let alone a frame. There is a single window in front of him and there seemed to be a flashing light coming in and then disappearing. It took him a few minutes to realize that there is motion and he felt the spinning reverberate in his bones. The flashing light that kept disappearing was the reflecting light from the humdrum star around which his galaxy existed. He was still in space. 

Iwaizumi sunk deeper as much as he could into the stiff, cold bed as his hands gripped the white cotton sheets. He barely heard the door open and then pitter-patter of steps, heels tapping on the steel floor.

“Mr. Iwaizumi?”, a firm voice questioned. From the corner of his eyes, in between the gaps in his fingers, Iwaizumi could see a white long coat.

He sighed, rubbing his face as he looked up. She had the posture of a soldier, precise in her movements yet unchoreographed and unhurried as she quickly noted down the numbers on the monitor before turning towards him. She turned towards him, a smile etched on her face which on other days would have been reassuring but not that day. Iwaizumi noted the tight bun, the bare face and the dark circles didn’t escape his eyes. Behind her stood a male assistant, visibly nervous so much so that he was sweating in the room with controlled temperature.

“How many years?”, he barked out unintentionally flinching at the sound of his own voice. Like an untuned string of a violin, it sounded rusted and almost too sharp to hear.

“It’s been 36 years since we lost connection with your ship, Sir”, she answered without missing a beat almost as if she had been rehearsing this line for this very moment.

Iwaizumi’s heartline shot up as he scrambled to grasp the time-lapse. At once he could feel everything. The IV needle piercing through his left wrist, the beeping sound of the monitor becoming increasingly loud as his heartbeat became erratic, the low rumbling of the rotating ship and the loudest among them all, a soft voice calling his name from a far, very far place.

_ 36 years since the explosion. 36 years since- _

“The space-time distortion accelerated a lot since you were hurtling through space at a very fast speed near the black hole. Your one hour became six years back on earth”, her voice chipped in between cutting through the mayhem that had ensued in his mind. Iwaizumi clutched his hair, pulling at them as he could feel a wail break through the valves of his heart. He could feel himself spinning but against the direction of the rotating ship. He was eight all over again, desperately trying to kick his feet and keep himself afloat as the current of the cold sea dragged him further deeper inside. Except for this time, the coldness was colder and there seemed to be a suffocating darkness filling up his insides.

He had left when he was twenty-eight. If he calculated the five years before the explosion and then the thirty-six years that went while he was floating in space unconscious, he was supposed to be more than sixty-nine years by now. He choked as a face flashed in front of his eyes. Windblown brown hair, brown eyes and five cm taller than him. 

_ Oh God _

“W- Were there any messages for me?”, he managed to croak out, startling the perfectly composed doctor. For a brief moment, a streak of pain flickered in her eyes before she assumed the stoic face again.

“Sir, there was one. We got it before we crossed Neptune’s orbit. It wasn’t addressed to any of the crew on this ship. So we figured it might be for someone from your crew.”

Her voice trailed off at the last two words, whether out of respect or discomfort, Iwaizumi would never know. Living people don’t like to bring up the dead, that’s all he knew.

His ears perked up against the better warning in his heart as he tried to sit up properly. The assistant rushed in, flustered but genuinely concerned about the man in front of him. Iwaizumi was gently pushed back to lean against a propped up pillow as another man, who looked like he was in his thirties, walked in with a laptop.

The doctor placed it in front of him but didn’t hit the play button giving Iwaizumi ample choices, a moment in time for him to feel the full force of fate’s cruel play. His lips had turned ashen and he could feel his head throbbing where they had stitched him up. Iwaizumi had nowhere to run, cornered. He could almost hear  _ checkmate _ being whispered with a snigger.

Steeling his heart or what remained of it, his fingers shakily pressed the play button. It felt like a brutal stretch of forever as he stared at a blank screen before a face appeared.

The grey-white hair peeked out from under a red woolen hat,a few streaks of brown around the edges reminiscent of who he was years ago. There was a map of lines on his face, ones of worry crossed with those of joy, creases that had deepened over the tide of time around the eyes. The thick white eyebrows matched with the white whiskers around his stubbled chin, slightly tilted to the left.

But it was the eyes that wrapped its gaze around Hajime’s heart. His eye lines told the tale of laughter, warm smiles and boundless affection much like the man Hajime knew and loved. The deep swirls of cinnamon holding thousands of untold stories, so raw and achingly beautiful in sublimity that it made Hajime crumble. The light that he so badly wanted to save had dimmed, the decades of life taking a toll on it.

“ _ Iwachan-”  _

There would never be a word in the history of mankind to describe the pain that coursed through Hajime’s veins, turning his insides into acid at the sound of that voice. Now hardly a whisper and slow, so slow it made his insides churn looking at the effort it was taking Tooru to speak.

Tooru coughed twice as someone fixed the blanket covering his hunched frame. The blanket slipped again and fate almost shed a tear as Hajime forgot to breathe. Tooru’s frame was so fragile and weak, his bones popping out. 

“ _ It’s been so long, don’t you think?”  _

Oikawa stopped again, attempting a weak smile that looked more like a grimace and too painful for him. 

“  _ I waited for you Hajime, I really did”, _ he inhaled deeply before continuing, his eyes becoming a little glassy now. 

“ _ I couldn’t beat time and fate after all”,  _ he chuckled softly, “ _ but I loved you, trans-- transcending space and time. I still do. From across the universe, I kept your heart with me Hajime” _

Tooru’s voice resonated and bounced off all the four walls crashing into Iwaizumi’s soul as he sat there, numbed both in body and soul.

“ _ Iwachan, do- do you think the universe schemed to keep us this far-”,  _ his voice was breaking now as he inhaled laboriously, tears escaping from his eyes. Hajime would give up the universe and trade all of his lifetimes to never have those eyes ever shed tears. But he was helpless as he sat there, years too late. Humans could be incredibly powerless, he learned of it at that very moment.

“ _ Because I prayed every day and wished on every shooting star, every fallen eyelash. Hajime-”,  _ he cried out softly as his name sent a wave of pain crashing down Iwaizumi’s spine, “ _ I begged for them to bring you home. B- But you never came.” _

He whimpered before breaking down, hiding his face in the folds of the blanket wrapped around him. A soft voice was murmuring something in the background, rubbing Tooru’s back trying to calm him down. The countdown was almost ending and the recording was going to stop soon. 

Tooru feebly wiped away his tears and spoke again, his hands shakily adjusting the camera.

“ _ I don’t know if I am shouting this into the void now. I don’t know if you are still breathing-”,  _ he faltered for a second before continuing _ , “ but wherever you are, I love you Hajime. Since the first time I saw you under the rain till eternity.”  _

For the briefest moment, Hajime saw the smile he had loved his entire life. Devastatingly gorgeous even in the seventh decade of his life, Oikawa Tooru smiled like he did the first time they kissed, one that made the heavens turn away in shyness.

“ _ In our next life, le-let’s borrow from time and meet again,Iwachan.” _

There’s silence and then the screen went black, taking away Tooru’s smile from him.

  
  


Hajime cried until his cries could not be heard , his head slumped between his hands. He felt such an intense raw emptiness like someone was gnawing at his insides like a hungry rat. His irises were threaded scarlet as he laid there limp and forlorn with empty eyes. The sun shone far away but not for him. His sun had set waiting for him for the entirety of his lifetime. The coldness that came with Tooru’s last smile almost seemed to bring the synapses in his brain to a standstill as he sat there, unmoving, clutching to the laptop like a lost child. They left him alone allowing him to wallow in his grief.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


On top of an unnamed hill in Hokkaido, under the cherry blossom tree lies a grave lovingly tended to by family members. A bunch of red salvias lay there scattered around the stone. On the third year of the headstone being placed there, on a windy evening of April, Hajime stood there for a long time, the billowing wind lifting the hem of his coat. 

**Oikawa Tooru**

**May the stars burn ever so brightly for you.**

Under the setting sun, fate watched with bated breath as Hajime kissed a red salvia and placed it on the ground, his fingers resting gently on the headstone. 

_ I came home,Tooru.  _

The wind picked up its speed rustling the blades of grass around him as a sudden gust rained cherry blossoms on him.

_ Thank you for keeping my heart safe.Thank you for showing me the infinite with the shortness of breath.  _

Hajime sobbed quietly as he felt a soft touch brushing across his cheek. It was incredibly lonely to be alive. He finally understood in painful clarity what Tooru had said. 

**_To’oborni_ **

**_May you bury me so that I wouldn’t know a world without you._ **

_ I promise you, I will find you in all my lifetimes and love you.  _

_ I love you Tooru. I love you so much. _

_ Till we meet again. _

  
  


Iwaizumi Hajime lived on for forty long years, alone by the hill in Hokkaido and when he left, they buried him next to his sun. 

Death, as you see, couldn’t keep them apart.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


2.

Iwaizumi leaned over the white stone railing as he looked out to the caldera. Four miles in diameter, with rocky cliffs and steep rocks towering over it, it was almost fully submerged, remnants of a volcano that had changed the topography of the Mediterranean coast. He watched as the waves gently lapped the shore while incoming boats docked at the harbour. He was perched atop a hill, high above the sea yet he could almost feel the salty spray of seawater splash his face as the sand slips through his toes. The sea breeze whispered like a lover, leaving a trail of goosebumps and filled him up with the scent of the sea.

He closed his eyes while his hands removed the camera slung around his neck and adjusted his position. He has chosen this place as his stakeout and with each passing minute, he was becoming aware that everybody had the same spot in their mind. He was standing at the left corner of the castle of Agios Nikolaos which was jutting out a little bit towards the sea. From here, he could see the towns surrounding the caldera, sitting on its half moon bay seeming almost like a painting. With their white and blue dwellings hanging over the cliffs with the crystal clear Aegean sea, Iwaizumi knew this documentary would be a big hit among the viewers.

He had started working as a photographer cum videographer three years ago in the Travel Show hosted by BBC and had never looked back since then. From the stunningly beautiful walled city of Dubrovnik in Croatia to his famed postcard shots of Copenhagen, his works done in some of the most beautiful places on this earth was widely acclaimed. He could list off the names even in his sleep ranging from Kyoto to Cartagena, places where he had left a little piece of himself. Iwaizumi had never known peace if he stayed at a place for too long and always had the innate urge to move. This job was his dream and to bring the ethereal beauty of city skylines, moonlit beaches, narrow alleys and centuries-old architecture right into the television screens of those at home gave him a sense of pure happiness.

Santorini had been on their host’s list for too long and they had quickly come here after wrapping up their shoot in Malta. When their ship had pulled into the foggy caldera at six o’clock in the morning and he had caught the first glimpse of Santorini, Iwaizumi knew that he would be chasing sunsets here. The early rays of the sun peeping from the horizon had washed the towns atop the hills in a golden hue, the promise of a rising sun engulfing the quaint little towns.

The sun was dipping on the horizon now but for some reason, for all of the beauty around him, Iwaizumi wanted to get away from there and roam the winding steps and narrow alleyways that ran around the town like an endless labyrinth. The main shoot was supposed to be the next day and he had just come here to capture a few moments for his own gallery so he decided to quickly wrap it up before the jostling crowd and their flashing cameras start going off. He deftly crouched on one knee and fixed the tripod stand before peering through the lenses as he waited.

A bell chimed somewhere as he watched the blue hour set in. The lilac coloured clouds extended across the vast expanse of the sky, like fresh colours on an artist’s canvas. The yellow ball of fire changed into hues of tangerine and crimson, dipping lower and lower leaning down to kiss the waves that had now picked up speed and height. Silhouettes of birds flew home across the now magenta sky as Iwaizumi’s camera recorded quietly. He watched in muted silence, eyes wide and overwhelmed as the mauve of the dusky sky slowly intensified before giving away to a velvet sky with sprinkled stars. These were to guide sailors home throughout the night. 

Iwaizumi did not have to check if he got the proper footage. This timelapse shot was for himself and recorded or not, he knew he would remember the sublime view for the rest of his lifetime. He quietly stepped through the crowd, slinging his backpack around his right shoulder and turned towards the direction of the town. Oia at night was a magic to behold. Amidst the backdrop of the foaming waves and twilight that beckoned to the stars to shine even more, this quaint little town was one for the books.

He wandered through the narrow alleyways, smiling softly to himself at the way the yellow warm lights turned the white walls of the houses into a myriad of golden hues. The blue domes were a refreshing contrast that complimented the whites. Even with just two shade of colours, Oia was an artist’s dream come true. People existed in tranquil silence like those sipping wine from a balcony above the road while the sounds of pleasant laughter trickled down the alley from every corner. His eyes were so busy roaming the ruined yet marvellous architecture that had survived the earthquake so much so that he almost missed it.

Tucked between a huge flower shop and a souvenir stall was a small bookshop. A single large window showed rows and rows of books narrowly cramped, pressing into one another, the settled dust somehow looking like golden sequins under the light. It was hardly visible with its single arched doorway and a low hanging lampshade that lit up the signboard. Adorned with flowers and creepers that wound around it, it read  _ αγάπη _ _ , _ the “ _ η _ ” slightly crooked.

_ Agapi. The higest form of love. _

Iwaizumi has never been a reader his whole life considering how he had lived seeing the world through the 70mm focal length of his camera lens. To him, he could bring the world alive in front of someone’s eyes through his videography because when it came to words, they always stubbornly failed him. Yet, he found an unexplainable urge prodding him forward as he stepped slowly towards the door, his footsteps echoing on the cobbled streets and bouncing off the white walls.

As he pushed open the door, the wind chime suspended right above him laughed in a pleasant tinkling melody surprising him. He looked up, slightly amused, with his right palm instinctively covering his head lest they fall on him. It was made of seashells and glass, a wonderful addition to the ornate decoration on the inside of the glass door. 

“Hello?”, a soft, wavery voice asked from behind a cramped counter. Iwaizumi looked towards the direction of the voice and came to rest his eyes on an old bespectacled woman sitting on a rocking chair. Silvery hair and sharp grey eyes, she sat there with her fingers deftly knitting what looked like a white cardigan. But her features were soft and a smile stayed on her lips as she looked at Iwaizumi like she had been waiting for him. Iwaizumi felt a shift in the air, one that made him shiver slightly even in the warm interior of the cramped bookshop.

“Are you looking for a book or anything else particularly, handsome fella?”, she questioned again upon getting no greetings in return. Iwaizumi quickly shook his head realizing how rude he must have come off to an old lady, that too one that just called him a handsome fella. A childish pride in him flared and before he did anything embarrassing, he quickly muttered.

“Can I just have a look?”

She nodded, her eyes watching him inquisitively yet he couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something more behind that look. He quickly suppressed the nagging voice and turned towards the rows of books. It was undeniably cramped inside the shop yet there were two rows of bookshelves with a gap in the middle. At the far end of the shop was a winding wooden staircase that went up and it somehow amplified the ambience of the shop. The bookshelves were certainly groaning under the weight of the books. For all of the illogical thoughts in his head, the bookcase seemed to be made from wood that might have washed ashore after a shipwreck and the more he looked at it, the more he felt he was right. The books were neatly lined with their spines facing outwards, their titles inked on the hardbound covers sitting quietly, in the sense of easy solitudes.

He roamed aimlessly under the yellow warm light completely clueless as to why he was here in the first place. He read the names, not finding one interesting enough for his mind that was always continuously running. The dust had long settled around all the books, a not so subtle indication that he could have been the first visitor in a long time. 

Except there was a spot, remarkably clean and devoid of any dust. 

He felt himself take in a sharp intake of breath, a strange feeling washing over him. It was a tugging in his heart, a rush as if a gust of the ocean breeze had slipped in through the crevices in the door and lifted the edge of his shirt, chilling him to the bones. He stepped slowly towards the end of the first bookshelf, near the winding staircase where the spot was. It had a battered and old fashioned leather-covered book which was in starking contrast with the slightly new smell of the paper. Some pages had been dog-eared and then someone had attempted to straighten it, the creases of where it had been folded still visible. It looked dusted but a new layer had settled on its corner, covering the gilded letters on the top.

_ Cosmos by Carl Sagan _

Iwaizumi hesitated for a brief second, his fingers resting on the edge of the second shelf before picking up the book. There was a stirring in his surroundings, a tinkling sound of the windchimes, a brush against his soul which Iwaizumi felt all at once. He felt lightheaded holding the book, his fingers exactly where there were slightly visible finger marks of the one who held it before him and it felt like he could merge the two different times in which the book had been held. 

He had never read a book for leisure before, much less of Carl Sagan. It came in waves suddenly and powerfully. It was a crushing sense of absence as he opened the book gently, one that knocked the wind out of his lungs.  _ What the hell. _ His knees wobbled slightly causing the book to fall open on the ground and a photograph tumbled out. He blinked his eyes, his left hand holding the railing of the staircase as he tried to push away the sudden breathlessness that erupted within his chest.

If the old lady at the counter heard the emotion, she gave no sign of acknowledging it. Iwaizumi kneeled down with his heartbeat crashing against his ribcage erratically as he picked up the book and flipped the photograph that was lying face down. Somewhere in the galaxy, a star fell as fate watched the multitude of emotions that flashed in his eyes.

Iwaizumi was a stickler for the perfect shots, the right angles and impeccable focus. He always had a penchant for the immaculate mixing of hues in all that he clicked a photograph of. Yet, for all the pictures he had discarded and not developed, for the ones that he thought were too bright or too dark, the ones that sat for barely five seconds in his gallery before it got deleted, Iwaizumi knew this picture was his Achilles heel. It was out of focus, the colours were hardly matching and the angle was tilted in the way he hated the most. Yet it made his insides swirl and touched him in places leaving an overwhelming feeling of desire. He knew that for the entirety of his life he would never be able to bring forth so much emotion in a person through a photograph as much as this one did to him.

It must have been shot with a timer or the person must have asked someone to do it. It was the exact stakeout location where he was half an hour ago. The left corner of the castle of Agios Nikolaos overlooking the sea that went on forever, sitting on the edge of the caldera. The stars had come out and even in the hazy shot, he could imagine the way they must have danced across the pitch-black curtain of the sky. Like scattered embers of a dying ember, the stars covered every inch of the sky in the photo but strangely, it wasn’t the stars above that made his throat tighten. His fingers traced the lone figure in the picture, leaning on the railing. Blue shirt clung to his body, clearly enhancing the arch of his back and it made Iwaizumi suck in a shaky breath, his senses tingling. Stars above and a star below, it was the most beautiful sight to him in the world.

_ Who are you? _

He whispered to nothingness over and over again, a strange yearning for the man in the picture, the man he missed by a moment in time.

He slowly flipped over the photograph only to be greeted by a messy handwriting that had scribbled a note all over the back. There was such a warm familiarity in the way the letters curved, one that stretched out and wrapped its arms around him. It felt like a homecoming, one that he had never got ever since he left seven years ago. Iwaizumi had never been one to be tied down to a place.

**_Santorini, July 20_ **

**_There is nothing more complex than the sky above us. It feels unchanging even when it is evolving faster than we can frame a sentence or confess our love. It is scary and yet so damn beautiful, it makes me yearn for more and more._ **

**_I have travelled from one corner to another corner of this earth, from Croatia to Copenhagen, from Kyoto to Malta-_ **

Iwaizumi paused abruptly as the realization came crashing on him, pulling him into a whirling current of emotions. He softly cried out in disbelief, his voice hardly escaping his mouth as he shook his head vigorously at the ridiculous idea swimming in front of him. He had to be God’s favourite play of all times because he could not bring himself to accept that time could cheat him in the cruelest way possible. The man in the picture was there. He was there somewhere across him in every city that Iwaizumi had been to, under the same sky and they must have passed by each other in escalators, bridges, subway doors. They had been always at the edges of time’s fingertips but never touching. Almost as if fate drew their lives as parallel lines and left it to flow in the same direction, never to meet but to be so close yet so far. Iwaizumi could only wonder if every other nameless person in the cities he had been to bore resemblance to him. Were his eyes the ones to stand out in the crowd, would Hajime have to tiptoe if they met or did he have a smile that met his eyes. It was as if he knew and yet he didn’t know.

He didn’t even bother to suppress the heaviness that took over him as it settled down inside. Tears didn’t well up but his soul wailed, pointing an accusing finger up at the sky. It was an unexplained hollowness that emptied his body and yet he felt like his body held a thousand pieces of glass wedged in between his soul and his flesh. It was the yearning in him to be able to reach through the picture and touch the man. A nagging feeling that he could not shake off, almost as if he had failed a promise. His bottom lips quivered as he continued reading.

**_-and yet I always found myself looking up at the sky. Like it held something I longed for. Or someone._ **

**_Santorini, you showed me the most beautiful skies of my entire life. So far away, spread across the universe, light years apart these stars burn forever and tonight I think I felt one shine a little brighter than others._ **

Space had run out and he had squeezed in the last few lines, his letters dancing across as he had tried to make it legible. It felt like Hajime had seen this happen a thousand times before. In another life, in a humid room with unfinished and molded clay lying about.

**_It was a feeling, a soft murmur in the ocean breeze, a lit bit of stardust sprinkled from above._ **

**_I think I now know why I could never be tied down to a place._ **

**_What my heart yearns for is not here on this blue dot of dust caught in a sunbeam. Maybe I will have to wait._ **

Hajime caught his breath as his fingers clutched the photo a little tighter. There was the feeling of someone twisting a stake through his heart, a sudden surge of hatred in him for the universe and all that it held within its arms. His soul vehemently cursed the silver sequins of the night for reasons Hajime could not fathom.

**_Maybe it is the other life._ **

**_So long,_ **

**_Oikawa Tooru_ **

  
  


_ Tooru. Oikawa Tooru.  _

Hajime whispered the name over and over again until he immortalized it in his head. He whispered it, letting the name roll off his tongue and it felt like he was somewhere else, far from Greece, across the ocean. Somewhere under a streetlight, on a rainy day. There were flashing headlights and splashing raindrops. It was a reel unraveling in front of his eyes, a story flashing in thousand frames per second, too fast for him to catch yet slow enough for him to see someone standing under the rain smiling at him. He vividly recalled the autumn undertones in a pair of eyes that looked at him like Hajime could forge a constellation on Earth.  _ So beautiful. _ He felt it in his bones, in his extremities and in his soul. In a story he didn’t remember, he felt like he had touched beauty in its human persona. He didn’t catch his face but somewhere deep in his heart, fate laughed mirthlessly.

He felt a sense of loss that cut through every fibre of his being as he sank down on his knees, crawling below the winding staircase. His loose shoulders shook as he clutched the photo, pressing it deep into his chest as if he could etch the picture on his skin, the curves, the shadows, the colours. Tears did come but in a silent acknowledgment of the grief that sat in his heart. It was the crying that you see when fate finally undid someone and the hurt ripped apart the layers we built through maturity. It was Hajime’s pain at losing someone he never met.

Under the lone lamp that hung above him, Hajime’s still figure remained unmoved for a long time. Time, it seemed, had won again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


3.

Oikawa grimaced as he looked at his own reflection on the glass of the sliding door. He could very well understand why the security guy had given him a pitiful look, a full-body scan with his eyes behind his dark sunglasses. He looked terrible, in the sense where he knew his grandmother was going to yell again about dying without grandchildren. Not that he could ever tell her that either way she would not be having any grandchildren. He was not very positive if she would even manage to reach the hospital if she knew he was gay.

He shuddered involuntarily, half at the horrifying thought of her reaction and half at the sudden blast of cold wind that lashed at him from the interior of the airport. It had been four years of going back and forth yet every time he stepped inside Heathrow, Oikawa felt like a nobody all over again. Anonymous in a city of strangers like he had been the first time he landed at midnight, four springs ago. It was an overwhelming sense of being in a sea of people leaving and arriving from all over the world. So many faces, now and then, flitting like carrom coins, there were homecomings and goodbyes.

He was at terminal five with a ticket that would take him 9,420 miles across the world to Australia after a year and a half. Oikawa glanced outside at the rolling countryside and the Windsor Castle rising at a distance. The beams supported such large windows and Oikawa marveled at the stunning views, one that he, unfortunately, missed out on while staying in his university room that had only high rise towers obstructing his view. The check-in area was on the top floor and Oikawa was right on time, leaving him with no reason to rush or to be laid back. Leaning on the escalator, he watched the plasma screens switch between announcing arrivals and departures to the horde of people craning their necks, bodies pressed against each other. It was just rows and rows of seats as far as his naked eyes could see and somewhere above him, from a different floor a faint aroma trickled down to him, a cruel reminder that he had imprudently skipped breakfast in the morning.

Oikawa sighed loudly as he stepped off the escalator, grabbing the handle of his suitcase and pushing it forward. He came to a standstill somewhat in the middle of nowhere as he glanced around looking for shorter lines. If there were two lines Tooru had always hated, it had to be the Starbucks lines and airport lines and he had to deal with both unfortunately for the larger part of his existence. The whole dreadful idea of waiting, having to stare at the back of someone, the curses he would always utter under his breath without fail at an idiot butting into the line was so familiar, he felt it was a part of his personality. It wasn’t any better for him that day considering it was almost two in the afternoon and the whole world had descended on the airport. 

Groaning to himself, he dragged his suitcase amusingly stomping to the second counter which seemed to have three people less than the neighbouring counters. The announcements had been going off non-stop for the past two minutes since somebody was yet to board a flight that was about to take off.  _ I would have just left the person.  _ Oikawa rolled his eyes, thinking to himself before plugging in his AirPods. He was behind five more people and he could not bear to start small conversations with strangers who were sharing the same space with him for only a few hours in the endless expanse of time. He pushed his hair back, running his fingers through them as he turned around taking in his surroundings. He was literally standing in the middle of the check-in area considering the line had extended far beyond the allocated space. That and the lady in front with her annoyingly flashy neon bag had taken up a space larger than his university room.  _ The extra baggage payments better bite her ass.  _ He smirked, a little too creepily, to himself relishing at the thought of her coughing up extra pounds. He could feel the airport music vibrating in his chest despite the 1975’s melancholic voice knocking the music out of his ears. It was slightly unsettling and he found his head wondering if any heart patient could sue them for playing such loud music.

Oikawa did not hear the shout that rang out or the sound of a suitcase skidding on the marble floor followed by thudding sounds as a pair of feet ran behind it. Head upturned, watching the high rise dome-shaped ceiling that seemed like it could crush him any given second, Oikawa was busy inside his head presenting a case on the effects of loud, eardrums crushing airport music to a judge. He didn’t catch the wild gestures someone was making at him to move away till the very last minute. But it was too late then.

Rudely ripped from his glorious court presentation in his head, Oikawa found himself mid-air with his hands flailing. It lasted barely two seconds but to Tooru who was severely lacking caffeine, it felt like forever before his feet touched the ground, hitting the handle of the trolley with a loud yelp. His Airpods tumbled out and crashed into the ground at the same time as the barrage of sounds came down upon his poor eardrums. Baggage wheels skidding on the floor, the boarding pass being torn off, the loud stamping of a passport somewhere to his right, someone aggressively throwing the baggage onto the weighing machine. It was loud and he gritted his teeth as he naturally recoiled from the shock.

“Are you okay?”, a gruff voice echoed right next to his ear, sounding deeply concerned yet with a strong hint of impatience. Oikawa flinched at the sound, his mind suddenly reeling as the person’s heat washed over him. His mind suddenly scrambled in all directions, tugging at his scalp as he spun his head towards the direction of the voice.

A slightly shorter man was bent over, dusting off his jeans and propping a fallen suitcase up. The speaker was blaring above him, a man consistently announcing something but it drowned out the moment the man looked up. It was the feeling of being plunged into the water the way the sounds suddenly gave away to silence, a silence that was so loud. 

His eyes were the hues of the forest, the one behind Tooru’s house, all the shades interwoven and chaotic. Oikawa had been constantly praised throughout his life for the attractiveness he exuded on days he didn’t look homeless and he knew the ways he could charm others. He had unabashedly used them on people in places. But right there, right then, under steel beams that crisscrossed holding up a metal ceiling, he saw a pair of eyes that held beauty and danger all at once. It was like wildfire, reckless, burning untamed yet undeniably captivatingly.

It made him heady and exhilarated yet he found himself bathing in rays of warm familiarity, a homecoming of a sort. Oikawa felt a sudden wave of nostalgia and sadness wash over him at the sight of the man in front of him. 

The man looked at him with an unreadable face yet Tooru could see the creases of his eyes pull slightly up in unmasked concern. He was fidgeting, his body twisted slightly as if to walk away anytime. But there was something else too. A curious gleam in his eyes that shifted to a soft light that seemed all-knowing and one that mirrored the unreasonable sadness in his own eyes. It was a recognition of some sort, the way his fingers tightened around his suitcase handle turning his knuckles white. 

Oikawa trembled slightly as his mouth opened to answer, praying his voice would not fail him.

“Y-Yeah”, he shakily chuckled, swallowing the hard lump that had formed in his throat, “I think I should be fine.”

He suddenly broke the eye contact training them instead on a mural painting at the far end of the wall behind the man. _ I must be going crazy. _

The way airports are known for the stories of goodbyes and reunions written on the grey walls, Oikawa could swear this was destined. Chance meetings don't leave you reeling and feeling blue. They don't make you feel like a tape rewinding or a vinyl record playing at 3 am in the morning that leaves the taste of the loneliest feeling in the world. If Oikawa's life had been a warm shade of orange before, this was a cold blue pressing deep inside of him, freezing his soul. It felt like a reunion before a goodbye, a nauseating oxymoron. 

“I apologize. I’m-”

“Mr. Iwaizumi Hajime, Let us please move. The flight is getting delayed.”

A slightly stern voice chipped in as a man in blue appeared next to them, annoyance very much visible on his face. It could have been a trick of the light from above but till the end of time, Tooru would swear the ground staff operator man looked at him and smirked, in the way he could taste acid in his mouth. It would replay in his dreams later, keeping him awake all night like a cruel reminder.  _ Fate’s human persona. _

But at that moment, he didn't register it much. His heart was leaping in the air, his brain stuttering for a moment as the blood in his veins stilled waiting for his thoughts to catch up. 

_ Iwaizumi Hajime. Iwaizumi Hajime. Hajime. _

_ Softly calling out his name into nothingness. Somewhere. A place which only they would know.  _

Time paused in pity for a minute to let him witness it. He saw himself in a room, knees tucked into his chest as a single line of moonlight cast a shadow across the room. There was a broken porcelain pot with gold linings around the cracks and a tear-stained pillow halfway across the bed. He was in a corner, one with darkness, his back leaning against the stone-cold wall.  _ Hajime. _ He whispered quietly except his voice was much deeper and carried an unfathomable sadness. It was him and it wasn’t him. 

There was a cherry blossom tree, one that stood alone slowly losing its pink flowers every second. A ghost of a kiss on the nape of shoulders, leaving a burning trail along his skin and it made Tooru feel like he could burn brighter and outlive the stars. Maybe he did try to once.

Then there was a pair of green eyes with grey flecks. Like dusty emerald that caught the sunlight at each corner, smoldering and enticing, one that held his universe. 

Oikawa didn’t recall the face but he found it the easiest damn thing in the universe to morph Iwaizumi into these memories.Almost as if it was always meant to include him.Iwaizumi who stood in front of him now, Iwaizumi whom he didn’t know yet he felt he could reach and point out exactly where he had the small scar underneath his shoulder blade. 

They were his memories and they were not all at the same time. But it made him want to stretch his hand out and pull Iwaizumi in. To close the three feet between them and lay his head on his shoulder and close his eyes. It was hiraeth. It was the homesickness for a home he could not return to, the grief hatching in his heart for a loss he could not remember. Tooru wanted to whisper his own name to see if Hajime would react. Maybe his eyes would give it away, maybe he would have faltered in his steps, a sign, a hint.

But he stood rooted, unflowing and unmoving as Hajime bowed slightly before walking away. 

_ Hajime. _

He spoke the name over and over again in his head and each time it burned a little bit into his tongue and branded his heart. It was a staggering feeling of powerlessness watching his back disappear as the crowds swallowed him up. 

He would always remember the way his ticket to home began to weigh heavier. Almost as if Tooru had been going to a place that wasn't really his home since the beginning.  Home felt like he had just left, leaving only his name and Oikawa knew in his soul that they would never meet again for that life. Their lines had already diverged for that lifetime. 

_ As always Hajime had been running out of time. _

__

_ 4. _

  
  


Oikawa hopped on the driveway, his little feet running as fast he could while clutching on to his mother’s pinky fingers. He didn’t understand why everyone was running outside holding blankets but the laughter was contagious and it made his palms tingle. But before he knew it, his knees were wobbling as he misstepped and he fell on his padded bottom. Oka san laughed as he clapped like it was all a part of his little hopping routine and she smiled as Oikawa clapped before rolling on his stomach to get up. With a loud giggle, he found himself lifted up and placed on his father’s head. 

Sitting atop, he waved at the neighbours, his one small hand clutching on to his father’s collar lest he should tumble again. He was past his bedtime and he softly yawned earning a pat from his mother. Sleep was knocking at the door but the stubborn five-year-old was fighting them, unwilling to be left out. Suddenly he heard a collective gasp rise from the crowd.

Oikawa turned his head sideways peering at his neighbours who were all craning their necks and looking up. Bewildered, he timidly lifted his head, curiosity lighting the first flame inside his tiny self. Fate smiled as the tiny brown eyes widened at the sight. He cooed loudly completely overwhelmed as he leaned all the way back to take in the wide sky, almost falling off before his father steadied him. His hands were raised having left his father’s collar, the fear of falling long gone.

As far he could see, there were stars. A lot of stars. And they were falling, colouring the sky like the way he would sketch rain on a paper in school, bright lines running diagonally across. They burned and disappeared in a poof and his mouth formed an “o” every time they did.

“Tooru, these are shooting stars.”

His father propped him up straighter before pointing at the sky, the light from the streetlamp making the smile lines around his eyes even more prominent.

Oikawa nodded even though he didn’t understand but his tiny heart soared at the view and he could not help but smile widely, the light in his eyes gleaming in the night. They had reached the clearing where everyone had gathered. His mother was spreading the blanket, smoothening the edges. Sparing her a single glance, he scratched his head before loudly calling her. She looked up amusingly at his little voice that rang out loud and just as she did, Oikawa saw a few heads turn towards him. A tinge of red appeared on his pale cheeks as he dipped his head embarrassed, hiding into his father’s broad shoulder.

He felt the low rumble of his father’s laugh making him blush harder. Still hiding, a muffled voice escaped through his mouth, curiosity overcoming everything else.

“Tou-chan, can we catch these falling stars?”

His arms were now around his father’s neck as he leaned forward looking at him with his face tilted sideways.

His father smiled looking at his mother in the distance before answering slowly, “Your mother asked me the same question once.”

Oikawa looked at her dusting her pants and laughed before prodding his father for more.

“And?”

“Nothing-”, he answered as he sidestepped a flower, “- I sang her a song.”

Slapping a palm on his forehead, Tooru exhaled loudly. Of course Tou-chan did that. Oikawa got his dramatic flairs from him.

His father was humming then walking towards his mother.

_ Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket _

_ Save it for a rainy day _

_ For love may come and tuck it on the shoulder _

_ Some starless nights _

_ Just in case you feel you wanna hold her _

_ You have a pocket full of starlight _

He simply nodded along, barely understanding the words but it was soothing to hear and Tou-chan sounded happy which made his chest warm and tingle. Before he could throw out another question, a voice rang out calling his mother. It was a familiar voice of the oba-san who lived opposite to their house and always brought him cookies every Friday. Perking his head up, Oikawa turned to look if the small boy he saw in their house had come.

That was the first time fate faltered, one step slower. Oikawa saw Iwaizumi first, hiding behind his mother. He was a little shorter with hair shooting up on all sides and was biting down hard on his left collar. The winds rustled the grass as Oikawa felt a pull towards him. Both of them had barely seen each other because as much as the other boy was always outside in their garden, Oikawa was busy fighting imaginary aliens in the living room. But it was boring to be alone all the time and Oikawa wouldn't mind a friend. Especially one that seemed shorter to him. Smiling a little evilly, he tapped at his father’s arms to put him down and the moment his two feet touched the ground, Oikawa was running. It wasn't much of a run as he tripped twice on the uneven ground. But that didn't deter him. He crashed into his mother who was talking to Iwaizumi’s. Oba-san laughed reaching out to ruffle his brown hair as he shyly stepped forward, the sudden boldness having dissipated. 

Iwaizumi was barely even looking at him, too busy cowering behind his mom, his tiny knuckles ashen white.

“Oikawa Tooru”, he spoke a little too loudly and amusingly as the words escaped through the gap where his first tooth had fallen off. Hands on his waist, he leaned down a bit, if that was possible and peeped a glance at the boy’s face. He had watched him rolling on the grass in front of his house in the morning and was very loud then. So Oikawa was quite surprised and his face scrunched up in childish confusion.

His mind was conjuring up all ideas of whether he looked scary to the boy in front. He raised his arm slightly to check if that stubborn strand of hair had popped up again looking like an antenna. Suddenly, a tiny hand reached out towards him, a gorilla bandaid on the wrist.

“Iwaizumi Hajime.”

It was a soft but firm voice that escaped through his mouth.

Oikawa stood there quietly for a moment as his tiny brain scrambled to process the name, moving only when his mother nudged him.

“Iw- Iwaz”, he balled his hands into small fists trying to bring the words out of his mouth. He could say it clearly in his head but somehow it got stuck in his throat. Since he first started speaking, the z sound had been difficult for him so he had always managed to give them his own twists.

Giving up, he sighed a little too dramatically before suddenly pausing midway of his dramatic meltdown.

“Iwachan?”,he half-yelled tentatively, his eyes gleaming in hope that Iwaizumi would accept that small twist. The shooting stars increased, lighting up for seconds as it raced across before becoming insignificant.

Above his head, the two mothers laughed as Oikawa and fate watched with bated breath before Iwaizumi blinked once and then again, slowly nodding his head.

That night Iwaizumi learned that Oikawa loved the sky and even had a star map stuck on his ceiling. It was blue and had many white lines drawn across it with white dots scattered around. He was told Oikawa had not learned how to read it yet but he was going to soon. Oikawa said maybe he should come and learn it with him. Iwaizumi did not find the stars fascinating but he nodded. He could not say no to the brown-eyed boy.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first time Oikawa got hurt, he disappeared for three hours. They were twelve then and Iwaizumi had developed a hobby for collecting fireflies in the evening. So Tooru had been stubbornly trying to reach for the glass jar kept on top of the cupboard since morning. His mother had constantly caught him nine times by them but the thought of giving the jar to Iwaizumi so that he could store his fireflies was enough to keep going. Standing atop a stool placed precariously above a chair, Oikawa had almost managed to touch the jar before he felt his ankle twist in a jerk. With a loud yelp, he came crashing down hitting his elbow on the edge of the chair and got a scar right across his left arm, one that would not heal for the better part of middle school. 

He could hear his mother’s footsteps approaching and already knew that the lecture was about to be unleashed on his poor self, so Oikawa ran away. Wobbling and blinking back the tears that threatened to crash open the floodgates of his eyes, Tooru ran out as the sun dipped in the horizon, the last rays washing over the prefecture. 

They didn’t find him for three hours before Iwaizumi walked alone to the park that lay beside the clearing they met. Hiding inside a giant octopus-shaped head of the slide, he found Tooru with his tear-stained cheeks blowing air to his wound. As he heard Iwaizumi’s footsteps approach, the sound of stifled sobs finally broke through his clamped mouth. 

Hajime flopped down in front of him, his one hand flicking Oikawa’s forehead earning a loud yelp.

“Iwa-chan, I didn’t get the glass.” 

His lips were sullenly pulled into a pout as he looked at Hajime with as much sadness as he could muster into his eyes hoping they would show how genuinely upset he was.

Iwaizumi guffawed a bit before fishing out a small glass jar from his pocket. Oikawa’s eyes widened at the tiny golden orbs flickering inside. The fireflies flitted about, illuminating the small dark space they were stuck in. Oikawa took the jar, holding them with utmost care as he turned it around admiring and cooing.

“Oi-”, he started, looking at Tooru as sternly as he could, “-don’t run away like that again.”

Tooru stopped his activity and lifted up his chin to stare back for a moment before nodding. Yet his mouth opened to counter Hajime.

“But you get angry when I get hurt!-”, he pointed a finger at the spiky-haired boy indignantly before continuing, “- Iwachan looks scary when he is angry.”

There was a blatant emphasis on the word scary even as he cowered a little bit afraid that Iwaizumi was again going to flick his forehead. Staring back at the brown-eyed boy, whose face was half-illuminated by the light from the jar, Iwaizumi sighed.

“Dumbkawa-”

“Hey!”

Softly glaring at him to effectively shut him up, Iwaizumi scooted closer. 

“Then don’t get hurt", he paused before adding in a whisper. "Please.”

His features softened immediately wondering how his best friend could be so reckless and stupid at times even when the intention was born out of love.

There was a brief comfortable silence before a soft  _ okay  _ escaped Tooru’s mouth as he quietly leaned forward to drop his head on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. The crying and running had tired him out but he had been too scared to fall asleep alone. He felt safe now, his eyelids becoming heavier by the minute. 

Iwa-chan was here.  _ He was safe. _

  
  
  


The next time Oikawa got hurt, he didn’t hide. Not because he did not want to but because he could not. There was no running to the park and no stifling of sobs. Tooru laid there on the court clutching his knee as hot tears ran down his cheeks. He could see spots dancing in front of his eyes as the pain throbbed in his gut, a fire burning his innards. His breath was coming in ragged pauses and even the slightest movement sent a sharp spike shooting up his leg. There was no blood but he could only see red wanting nothing but to desperately curl up and pass out. Suddenly a firm pair of hands grabbed his leg and tugged at it slightly making his eyes roll to the back in pain before the strangled scream ripped through his throat. The gymnasium had fallen ominously silent as the harrowing sound bounced off all four walls crashing into Iwaizumi’s senses making his blood freeze. Oikawa was screaming incoherently as the physiotherapist yelled at the coach to hold him back before she popped his knee back. Hajime moved in a daze, picking up the roll of tape he carried around and sprinting to Tooru. There was a loud ringing in his ears as he watched Oikawa thrash about begging to just lie down and be left alone.

Hajime found himself kneeling next to him and cradling his head, pressing his shoulders down firmly to stop the extra movement. He had been warned three months ago during the regular check-up about the chances of his patellar subluxation flaring up but Oikawa had brushed away those concerns. Now he silently cursed himself, biting down on his tongue as he recalled all those times he allowed Oikawa to push himself during practice.  _ He should have stopped him _ . He could taste blood in his mouth by now, the metallic taste burning him up at the sight of his best friend lying crumpled in his arms. They were preparing to sedate him for a very short time before popping his knee back since the pain was becoming unbearable for him.

“Hajime, it hurts”, he whimpered through his tears, his voice barely a whisper, “It hurts so much. So much.”

His hands held Hajime’s wrist in a vice-like grip, fingers digging into them leaving purple marks. He had stopped screaming now but he was still writhing in pain at the slightest touch.

Iwaizumi patted his now damped forehead slicked with sweat, blowing cool air unable to do anything and feeling painfully helpless.

“I’m here. Right here, Tooru.”

He whispered softly, again and again, oblivious to the numbness that had crept into his lap and ankles. Hajime had never felt this pain before yet watching Tooru cry tore through his heart muscles and made his chest heave violently but he forced himself to calm down for Tooru’s sake.

“Please-”, he softly begged trying to catch his breath as the physiotherapist plunged the needle into his vein, “-stop the pain, Hajime.”

The screams died in his mouth but Iwaizumi doubled over in pain as Oikawa lost consciousness in his arms. Watching those pair of eyes shed tears left his heart constricted in its wake. Hajime cried softly to himself as he watched them work on him.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Oikawa leaned back on the chair, a towel placed around his neck as the team slowly went back to practice. He felt a deep regret for having disrupted practice and promised quietly to make up for it. He had been advised to complete rest for a week without any movement of any sort. His patella had been dislocated due to a twisting stress to his knee and he had got quite an earful from his doctor. Technically it had been a bed rest but he had raised hell in the doctor’s office and had managed to get the allowance to watch practice. A solemn promise had been made that he would not even do so much as to touch a ball, one that took an intense amount of coaxing and a barrage of curses from Hajime. Speaking of him, Oikawa turned his head towards the left as his natural Hajime radar shot up. And rightfully he was walking towards him with a grim look on his face. Ever since that incident, Hajime had barely smiled and Oikawa swore that he had aged six years more with the insane increase of lines on his forehead. Not that Iwaizumi took well to that comment and ended up thwacking his head before quickly rubbing, a flash of fear in his eyes. Oikawa hated seeing him like this and he knew he was wholly responsible.

Pushing his thoughts aside, he flashed a smile at Hajime only to get a soft tired smile in return, one that barely reached his eyes. Stopping in front of him, Hajime knelt down and delicately lifted up the hem of his track pants folding it to right above his knee. Oikawa watched in silence as Iwaizumi pulled out three bands of kinesio tape from his pocket. Wordlessly, he bit off the edge of one and placed it slowly right below his knee. Oikawa shuddered a bit at the touch, heat seeping from Hajime’s fingers leaving a warm trail travelling throughout his body as his index finger slid above the tape lightly straightening it. Iwaizumi softly pressed the other end sticking the tape thoroughly before slowly relaxing his tensed up shoulders. He watched the lines on Hajime’s forehead scrunch up in intense concentration and instinctively found himself reaching out to smoothen it. Hajime paused for a second at the touch before exhaling and closing his eyes for another millisecond. Without another pause, he reached for the second one, ripping off the edge with his fingers this time before placing one end above his knee and then stretching it all the way down below his knee. And then lightly yet firmly, his palm traced the tape making it firmly stick. Tooru could feel a warm bubble exploding inside at the touch and the way Hajime’s eyes were trained at his injury, a soft yet worrying look. He smiled softly at the way the creases around his eyes intensified when he squinted them.

“Hajime”

He tenderly called out, afraid of disturbing his concentrated state of mind too much.

Iwaizumi nodded without looking up as his hand grabbed the last piece and deftly placed it on the other side. Both his palms then gave a friction rub tightening the tape cautiously around the knee. After a few seconds, they stilled and remained unmoving on top of Tooru’s knee. Iwaizumi slumped forward leaning on Oikawa’s thighs but without placing any real weight on them.

Oikawa called out again, this time with an urgent tone laced into his voice.

“Hajime, look at me”, he attempted to lift his chin up as Iwaizumi stubbornly kept his eyes trained on his shoes, “I’m fine, trust me.”

There was a moment of silence and then a sound filled up the little space there was between them, tugging at Oikawa’s heartstrings. At first, he thought he misheard but then he saw Iwaizumi’s shoulders shake uncontrollably and he suddenly flinched a bit as a single teardrop fell on his knee. Oikawa’s eyes widened in disbelief as he sat there frozen for a moment. Hajime was crying.

_ Iwachan was crying.  _

He suddenly lurched forward wrapping his arms around his neck burying Hajime’s head into his chest. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks soak his shirt and Tooru felt a crack in his soul.

“I told you not to get hurt”

Iwaizumi whispered wrapping his arms around Tooru’s waist tighter, pressing his face to Tooru’s chest. He was trembling and his forehead was burning up with the stress unleashing finally.

He realized it then that Iwazumi had been carrying the burden on himself all this while. He was blaming himself for not stopping Tooru. A sob tried to crawl its way out of his mouth as he clamped his lips shut. Whenever he broke down, Hajime always steeled himself up and for once Oikawa wanted to be stronger for him. So he swallowed the lump in his throat and allowed his best friend to unravel in his arms.

“I know.I know”

Oikawa could barely mumble more than that so he tightened his hug even more hoping he would understand.

_ I’m sorry. _

He did not say it out loud. It wasn’t needed. Hajime knew even before he spoke.

They stayed in each other’s embrace for a long time. Iwaizumi on his knees while Oikawa bent forward collecting him into his arms. If the others noticed it, they said nothing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Falling for each other was nothing out of the ordinary. It happened almost too naturally like puzzle pieces that were once warped and wet had now straightened up and were now fitting into each other’s crevices flawlessly and perfectly. It was an autumn evening during the second year of their high school. 

Iwaizumi was sitting down on the gym floor with his legs outstretched as he placed a towel on top of his head. He had just finished receiving practices and had been excused early to gear up for a spiking routine. Feeling the cool breeze that entered through the open gym door, he leaned back placing his palms on the ground to support him. He could feel the wind drying off the sweat trickling down the side of his face as he closed his eyes inhaling deeply. Autumn evenings held a certain charm to him even when the flowers fell from the trees. As it slowly transcended towards winter, autumn always left fine strands of brown in the distance and the way the sunlight fell on these leaves scattered on the ground they always shone like copper-gold. To him, the hues of brown had always felt like home.

He smiled to himself as he felt a head crawl in through the gap between his right arm and his body and lay on his lap. Iwaizumi did not have to look down to know that the brown hair boy was catching his seven minutes long nap on his lap. He always had a habit of curling up on his lap ever since Hajime stayed up the whole night in middle school putting damp clothes on his forehead when he got a fever. He knew exactly how the stubborn strand of hair that sticks out would be catching the light from around them, a deep chestnut brown with his forehead slightly covered. The way his eyes would be shut, his face devoid of any worry lines. Hajime could bring Oikawa to life with his eyes alone, his every feature long mapped out on his soul.

Bringing his one hand up to run through his hair, Iwaizumi straightened up a little bit to look down at Oikawa sleeping on his lap. Time stirred a little bit as Iwaizumi felt his breath disappear like midnight smoke. Oikawa opened his eyes at the slight movement and Hajime found himself falling. In the background, there was the sound of a volleyball hitting the ground as it fell and Hajime felt his heart drop. Not in the death-defying drop you feel while on a rollercoaster because this one was so fond and tender. Love was an immortal bastard and Hajime felt like he had been in love with Oikawa forever, falling for him for what felt like lifetimes across lifetimes. He stared back into the eyes that looked up at him and smiled tenderly as his heart ached in an almost nostalgic feeling.

“Iwachan?”

Oikawa called out his name softly, breaking through his stupor. Hajime shook his head ever so slightly as his fingers reached out to brush off the hair that partially fell like a curtain over Tooru’s eyes. Time almost stopped as his fingers lingered hovering right above his forehead, the minuscule space begging to be closed.

Oikawa looked up at Hajime who was slightly bent over him, the high ceiling lights radiating off behind his back adding such softness to his face that it almost made Tooru lower his eyes. The towel above his head slipped down and Oikawa felt his heart stutter. His eyes took in every detail of Hajime’s face imprinting them on his soul lest he should ever forget. Should they ever be apart, he wanted to vividly recall them. His green eyes with the grey that overpowered them at night, the upturned smile, the curve of his nose, each divot of those lips. Tooru could not help but wonder whether he would burst into golden dust if those lips met his. Heat seeped into his cheeks at the mere thought of melting his lips into Hajime’s. He was in love and it felt like his heart had been leading him to Hajime since time immemorial.

Hajime laughed quietly before pulling his hand back and shifting a little so that Tooru could rest his head more comfortably. Taking that as a sign, Oikawa snuggled in more ignoring the way his heart was thrashing in his ribcages. If he could, he would steal every chance to be as close as he could to Iwaizumi. Three feet. Two feet. One foot. Inches and then just their bodies meshed into one. 

"Oi Tooru, your head is heavy."

Faking a gasp and placing his palm a little too dramatically on his chest, Oikawa widened his eyes at Iwaizumi before breaking into a laugh. 

"Don't be mean Iwachan!", he yelled softly sending a furtive glance towards the coach afraid that he would be sent for diving laps if he disrupted the rest. 

He swatted Iwaizumi's fingers knowing all too well that he was going to flick it on his forehead. 

"You find it cute when I lay down like this", he retorted indignantly. 

But it was less of a statement, more of a hopeful question as his eyes watched carefully the way Hajime moved his lips to answer, laughter and what he hoped was love swirling in the air between them. 

"Maybe"

Hajime hummed between his teeth before resting his arm on Tooru's abdomen. Oikawa prayed that he wouldn't notice how he trembled under that touch for a second. 

They stayed like that for mere minutes before they were called back for more practice. There were no more questions asked and no answers were given. They walked home together that night as they had always done and when Hajime nudged him towards his door ruffling his hair from the back, Oikawa found himself wishing days lasted longer. 

And just like that, Tooru and Hajime borrowed brief moments from time and fell in love with each other even more. 

_ Like the very first time. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It took Oikawa exactly four hours of relentless pacing, running and throwing the ball at the same spot on the grey wall to come to terms with Hajime leaving before him. For the past six months it had always been how would he leave Hajime behind and suddenly a call had flipped everything. Tooru never really thought about staying in the same place where Hajime would not be there and his solace at leaving Miyagi had been that he was going first. He had been telling himself that navigating Argentina alone would be less lonely than Hajime having to walk through the streets of Miyagi without him. Except the tables had turned now and he felt terrified and nauseous. 

But he had to get himself accustomed to it. It was Hajime’s dream and he dared not come in between. It was a sudden scholarship from Irvine, one that Iwaizumi had been chasing for two years and Tooru could never forget the way Iwaizumi’s face had brightened up at the American voice that came through the speakers.

_ “Tooru, I made it.” _

__ It had felt achingly familiar the way an intoxicating mix of happiness and sadness settled in his heart. He knew long ago that they could not stay forever in the quaint little Miyagi of their childhood but having to separate from his  _ Iwachan  _ was painful.  _ His Iwachan. _

Tooru was brave enough only to say that in his mind.

  
  
  
But when Oikawa walked to the clearing to meet Iwaizumi as they had decided beforehand, he looked up at the clear night sky and smiled. He would never know but somewhere, lifetimes ago, he had decided that love for him wasn’t a straight running line. It was always to be in circles coming back to where it all started, back to  _ him. _

So he had to simply let Hajime race to his dreams a little earlier because, in the end, he promised to himself that he was going to wait till they meet again.

It was a pleasant summer night and the purple  _ kikyo _ flowers swayed in the night breeze, scattering a few around Iwaizumi who sat there, his back facing towards Oikawa. Tooru paused a bit to watch the boy he loved and the serene view stirred something in him so powerful that his resolve faltered for a few seconds. 

Sensing someone, Hajime turned his head to catch Oikawa standing there, his windswept hair exposing his eyes that stared at him so fondly it made the greeting die in his throat. Oikawa walked towards and he quietly sank to the ground next to him, his knees softly touching Hjaime’s as if to remind himself that he hadn’t left yet. 

They watched the stars in quiet silence before Iwaizumi turned to look at him. Chin raised slightly, his lips curved in a demure smile Tooru’s eyes roamed the sky with the love he had for it glaringly visible. It was a lovely feeling to watch someone you love look at the things they hold close to their hearts. If someone saw Iwaizumi, they would say he looked at Oikawa with the same look in his eyes.

Oikawa turned and raised his eyebrows slightly at Hajime. It was bewitching and addicting to relish in the warmth those eyes held and Hajime knew he had to say it. 

“Oi-”

He leaned in closer raising his hand and cupping his florid face in his palm as his fingers rested still on the cheekbones. The air stilled as they whispered to the grass to watch with bated breaths. Oikawa rested ever so lightly on Hajime’s palm that was calloused yet so gentle. He dared not speak, afraid that if he did he would forget the way Hajime looked at him at that moment.

“I love you, Tooru”

The gatekeeper of time smiled slowly as Hajime closed the gap that had long wished to be gone. It was hesitant yet firm, a smile playing on Oikawa’s lips as they melted into Hajime’s. His fingers slowly reached up and rested below Iwaizumi’s ears as his thumbs caressed his cheeks. It wasn’t perfect but they wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Hajime pulled away breathing heavily as he rested his forehead on Tooru’s. There was a small flash of sadness in his eyes which passed as quickly as it came but Oikawa caught it.

“Iwachan, what’s wrong?”, he pushed his shoulder back gently and lifted the shorter boy’s chin up. 

Hajime looked at him with the eyes of a lost child before he answered slowly.

“I am leaving too soon.”

Hajime could not shake off the dreadful feeling that had settled in his chest. It felt all too familiar to leave Oikawa behind and he felt his heart cry a little. Here he was looking at the most beautiful boy and he could not fathom the idea of being apart from him. He suddenly found himself regretting having not told Oikawa how much loved him a little earlier. The time left seemed to be racing stealing moments away from them and Hajime felt weak against fate.

Oikawa blinked a little taken aback before breaking into a smile. Of course, Iwaizumi would have thought the same earlier chain of his thoughts. Shaking his head a little he turned Iwaizumi around making him face the sky above the trees in the clearing. He scooted closer wrapping his arms around as he felt Hajime’s head rest on his chest. It was a feeling he would never forget.

Raising his index finger he pointed it towards the sky.

“Iwachan, remember when we learned the constellation in my room the first month we became friends?”

Tilting his head a little bit Hajime nodded as Tooru rested his chin on top of his head.

Laughing, Tooru then asked loudly.

“Okay, then you know where the Orion is right?”

Iwaizumi clearly befuddled raised his right hand to point it out silently as he felt the dreadful feeling dissipate a bit. Suddenly he found Oikawa’s fingers intertwined with his as Tooru guided them to a particular point before leaning down and whispering into his ear.

“That star at the left knee of the hunter is the star Rigel.”

Hajime did not answer but his cheeks flushed as Oikawa’s hot breath cascaded down his neck. He merely shook his head wondering where this was going.

“ It is the brightest star in the constellation and the seventh brightest in the night sky-,” he paused before resting both their still intertwined hand on Hajime’s chest, “-and astronomers predict that It will be soon a supernova.”

Iwaizumi’s mind scrambled as he tried to recall what a supernova was. Tooru’s father had once told them when they were kids. It was the explosion that occurred at the end of a star. He held Tooru’s hands a bit tighter. He hated endings.

Oikawa smiled watching the shift in Hajime before tracing circles on his palm.

“Hajime I’m not talking about the end,” he held him a little closer before continuing, “ when they explode, it is so luminous and it can be seen from billion light-years away. It can outshine entire galaxies and radiate more light than our sun would in its lifetime. It sets off the creation of new stars, you know.”

There is a pause before he sat up turning Hajime to face him and as he lovingly took his face in his hands, Oikawa whispered with a love that was so strong that time finally conceded defeat, “Your love makes me feel like a supernova so what’s 6,291 miles to us when I would find you across space.”

In the silence of the night, right where everything had begun when they were five, Hajime felt his heart take flight finally after lifetimes of waiting. Now he knew that the universe would always remember them and that he would always come back home to Tooru’s arms.

“I love you, Hajime. I always have.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You see, in this grand scheme of the universe, Iwaizumi Hajime and Oikawa Tooru’s lines were always bound to meet.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


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**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I revamped my writing style and this one had me researching for days and pulling all nighters. It's my first fic that has more than 5k words and this one literally feels like my baby. i would love love to hear your thoughts in the comments and if you want to yell about it on Twitter, you will find me @lovingoikawa_  
> I have been waiting to release this so I Hope yall enjoyed.  
> this work was inspired by an allegory of the things we could have been by iwaoiks.  
> now go gently and rage into the night


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